It’s true… the days are long, but the years are short! I still can’t believe a year has finally gone by – but we SURVIVED and that’s the goal right?!
I was trying to think of various blog posts and things I could share with you guys, and it came down to relationship tips, because if anything (believe it or not), that’s where we could have done “better.”
I worried about pregnancy, childbirth, postpartum complications, his health and just being a decent parent. I didn’t really give much thought on the affect it would have on our marriage.
You’ve all seen the posts on Social Media, “I never knew I loved my husband more until now…” and part of me candidly wonders if most of those are even true? We wanted to kill each other most days, and I have to assume I can’t be alone in that.
I’m sure there are PLENTY of couples who prepare and handle this naturally or like champs, but it took work, like anything else – for us!
The first year was definitely a doozy, but looking back, I know we did some things really well and while others could have been better!
- Communicate (OFTEN) – You can’t over communicate anything (unless you are telling me you don’t like my outfit or something). Discuss roles, responsibilities and expectations up front, during and as things change. Who will take out the garbage? Who will feed the dogs? If you are having a bad day, feel cruddy or get overwhelmed – talk it out. Letting things boil up or snowball never ends well. Do you need a nap, a break, fresh air etc? Let’s face it – when two people are stressed and sleep deprived, things can get missed or misunderstood. Talk things through and out often!
- Accept Help! – I am a self-proclaimed do-it-your-self-er, figure-it-outter, my way-er etc. and it wasn’t the best choice as a new mom. If someone offers you food, cleaning or time to shower or nap – TAKE IT (even if it’s from your in laws). Is someone willing to come walk your dog? Let them!! Does someone want to bring you a snack? Take it! I regret telling everyone I was fine, when I wasn’t. No one could have prepared me for the stress and exhaustion that would come from breastfeeding, and I was running on empty way more often than I’d like to admit.
- Say “Thank You” – This goes a long way, and it’s so small and really requires ZERO effort. If your someone did something nice for you or the baby (even if it’s the smallest thing) – acknowledge it! Don’t take anything for granted, and saying “thanks” often encourages the awesome behavior!
- Hire a Cleaning Lady – If I could hang a flag the size of Rhode Island that said this, I totally would. My husband and I are private people and we don’t love the idea of a stranger in our home – but man… this is my biggest regret. Why didn’t I do this when I was pregnant? We hired a cleaning lady around the 8-9th month because I was getting overwhelmed with having to run a business, clean the house, cook, keep a baby alive – etc… so I finally caved. It has done WONDERS for our marriage and has given us so much more time together AND alone! Weekends are now spent enjoying one another’s company, as opposed to rattling off demands like a collage basketball coach in terms of chores. We have two cleaning ladies who come twice a month for $120 each time to clean our whole house twice a month! It is worth every penny and then some!
- Date Days – This was something we implemented and did WELL! Once a week (when we were comfortable leaving Jack of course), we had my mom babysit for a couple of hours so we could go and do something! Whether we sat on the beach, walked the boards, grabbed a lunch – just do something (or sleep haha). Having that alone time to have adult conversation made the world of a difference, especially in the beginning when you are still in survival mode. I also think it’s just as important to have time ALONE as well!
A healthy marriage always takes work and effort – anything worth having does. Throwing a baby into the mix can be difficult and it’s OKAY to acknowledge that.
Find moments to laugh, express gratitude and try to live in the moment (even the hard ones).
We love watching The Office on Netflix if you need a funny TV Show to binge on!
… and ladies, let’s not compare ourselves to anyone or any relationship on Social Media. We all know it’s a highlight reel!
Oh! If you have any fun “Date Day” ideas, I’d love to hear them – we are always looking for something new and affordable to do on a weekend!